Party Girl - The Identity I Had to Shake.
The Habit of Not Drinking - ch 2.
The Sober Glow Studio is an extension of what was started on social media circa 2016. As I have evolved, the topics I cover have naturally evolved. Here, I provide stories, recommendations, and resources on the art of living an alcohol-free lifestyle, navigating midlife, and anything that simply feels good.
I was always the party girl. From a young age, I was never the one to be influenced but more the person who was doing the influencing. A bad influence, many would report. I was the one egging on my girlfriends to stay out longer, drink more, try other substances, and of course you should make out with so and so, etc.
For many years, I was pretty proud of my reputation as this party girl. She took me through high school and college and well into my 20s and the NYC nightlife. She had a hell of a great time, and she got a whole lotta attention. I loved it, and I was good at it. Until I wasn’t. Even then, when I knew, it took many more years before I finally became a non-drinker (identity). Up until then, the constant questioning of my drinking behavior led me to focus on trying not to drink (outcome).
Chapter Two Atomic Habits
HOW YOUR HABITS SHAPE YOUR IDENTITY (AND VICE VERSA).
According to James Clear, there are three ways to change a habit, but only one way that will work long-term.
Outcome based. This is when we focus on the outcome. (I want to quit drinking)
Processes based. Focusing on changing something so we don’t do the habit we are trying to break (I won’t go out with my friends who drink, so I won’t drink)
Identity based. We focus on the type of person we want to be and believe we can be. (I am someone who doesn’t drink alcohol)
Over the many years of my drinking and constant questioning of it, I was always so focused on wanting to quit. I can look back now and see why that never worked for me. I was tied to the story of wanting to do something (quit alcohol), but just having that wanting alone still allowed for me to continue drinking while maintaining the wanting to quit. The wanting made me feel as if I was still going about doing something to change my behavior.
For me, the process-based aspect of changing my behavior around drinking didn’t stand a chance. What that would have looked like was me trying to avoid going out with friends or managing to take a night off from drinking at work. Neither of these were long-lasting. Maybe I would go for a few nights or a week or two, but nothing long-term. Nothing that was even remotely sustainable for me at that time. Remember, my identity was that of a party girl - and party girls party. So, if I wasn’t the life of the party, then who the hell was I?
When I finally decided to become a non-drinker, I no longer identified as a party girl. It’s the light switch that I have talked about over the years that just turned off for me. I don’t know exactly how I turned it off. I mean, maybe it was all those years of questioning it, letting myself down, and constantly having the same inner conversations over and over that I was finally sick of, said party girl. So I killed her off on Sept 10th, 2015.
That was the day I took on the identity of a strong ass woman who was a NON-DRINKER. Something that I am incredibly proud of (which only adds to the staying power).
M.
Yesterday, I wrote about my upcoming move and how any sort of big move or deep cleaning, organizing, or decluttering is so good for the spirit. Even if it’s still cold where you live, find a drawer, closet, or whole room to go to town on. Take everything out, clean all the nooks and crannies, and place only the things that make you feel good or are necessary in some way, then put them back in their place. You get a physical release, a dopamine hit, and your mind will also thank you.
The Tell: A Memoir by Amy Griffon. This book doesn’t drop until tomorrow, but it’s already breaking hearts and blowing up the internet. I am patiently waiting for my Kindle to notify me of its download.
When my spring fever is actually (and always) a hot summer fever, I get my fix with these travel books - Any one of these will look fabulous on my coffee table! I am already planning my Mediterranean-style alfresco dinner parties in the new place.
The best database you will find on all things herbs. With the NA world exploding and the “functional” part of that NA world (aka herbs), I want everyone to be fully aware of what they are drinking and how it could potentially affect them. I also use this site for personal use and when giving information to my patients. It's from MSKCC, the hospital where I started my nursing career many, many years ago.
**I am challenging myself to make these newsletters shorter and more digestible. This is a direct result of your feedback. Thank you, always! XX M.